I know the saying is “God will never give you more than you can handle” … Dear God… we are fully booked, and we can’t handle any more for a while. Thank you!!!

This was a quote my sister’s husband posted. I write this sitting at her hospital bedside. She was hit by a car last week which left both of her legs and her arm badly broken. We all say how grateful we are she didn’t hit her head and seems to have no internal injuries. But at best that feels like a good news/bad news point of view as it breaks my heart to watch her begin what we know is a long journey to functioning normally.

I am reminded of a passage in the Anna Quindlen novel, One True Thing.

In the story, she described a family out for ice cream, just before their mother was diagnosed with cancer. The daughter in the story thought back on what she called “the last normal day they had” and reflected, “Afterward I wondered why I hadn’t loved that day more, why I hadn’t savored every bit of it like soft ice cream on my tongue, why hadn’t I known how good it was to live so normally, so everyday. But you only know that, I suppose, after it’s not normal and everyday any longer.”

I am mindful of the day before my sister’s accident as a normal day.

On my way to the hospital, I was so focused on getting here that I literally was “not seeing” the fleeting view in front of me. I realized the road was literally ablaze with the color of the trees. How often do I live, moving onto the next thing, and miss the blessings before me?

But today, I pulled over on the side of the road to look and thank God for the beauty of this day. I will be grateful, when I get up from writing this, that my legs and arms work. I will be grateful that I believe that prayer will support my sister’s healing. I will hug my brother-in-law for giving us all a prayer that made us laugh. I will not take for granted healers that can knit together shattered bones and kind caretakers that are an empathetic presence when they walk in the room. I will be grateful for the small mercies that help us remember to not lose hope even in the times when we long for the normal days.

Jacqueline Kennedy said, “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever
else you do matters very much.” Her words always resonated with me as insight into the
primacy of the calling of parenthood. Since children don’t come with a “how-to” manual
we all bungle things as parents from time to time. Thank goodness they are usually
resilient as we learn to become moms and dads! I know you love your children more
than anyone in the world and you are the conduit of God’s love in their lives.

I am in awe of how beautifully you parents function and love your children even through
months of sleepless nights, juggling jobs, school and childcare schedules, endless
carpooling, shopping, making, and cleaning up meals and a thousand other unselfish
acts of service to your families. No wonder often we have no better analogy of God’s
love than that of a parent!!

You are so busy, that I suspect you didn’t have time to read the most current and
comprehensive research on a topic vital to your vocation, Handing Down the Faith: How
Parents Pass on their Religion to the Next Generation by Dr. Christian Smith, University
of Notre Dame.

Can I share some research with you that might affirm your parenting choices and
encourage you on the long days and tough nights in one of the most important things in
life, your child’s faith?

This new national study shows that as parents, you, are the most important influence
on the religious and spiritual lives of your children and teens! This research, as well as a
myriad of other studies, confirms that you play the leading role in shaping your child’s
deepest values and the character of their religious and spiritual life, now and well after
they leave home.

In fact, some parents may be surprised to know “the single most powerful causal
influence on the religious lives of American teenagers and young adults is the religious
lives of their parents. Not their peers, not the media, not their youth group leaders or
clergy, and not their religious schoolteachers.” If you are a parent of a teen, you might
be saying, “Oh I know I lost most of my influence when they became teens” (and they
may act as if that were true). But, in most cases, these cultural illusions are not
supported by the facts. Your influence as parents on their religious beliefs, practices
and values lasts for decades and in many cases a lifetime.
“…a large body of accumulated research consistently shows that… the influence of
parents in religiousness trumps every other influence, however much parents and
children assume otherwise.”

I wish this column was ten pages long so I could share more of this fascinating study
that explains why this is true. But let me share one insight- how important it is for
parents to talk to their children about matters of faith during the week. When parents do
this, children integrate the meaning of faith into the lived experience of life. “When parents talk naturally and substantially about religion and its place in life, throughout the
week it effectively indicates to children that, in the mix of life’s many priorities and
values, this stuff matters a lot. And that raises the stakes for children’s decisions about
their own future religious commitments.”

As a grandparent, I look at this from a view on the balcony of the dancefloor of life. For
you parents, who are dancing, I hope this gives you encouragement to know how
important you are. If I could offer you two things you might consider in your parenting
choices, they would be to remember you are the role model of faith and talking with your
children about your faith has tremendous value.
Know that we- your Church, school, faith formation, catechists, teachers, pastor- are
cheering you on and supporting you in any way we can. You are shining stars of love
and faith to your children in the most important job you will ever have!

With love,
Kathie

This year, our family marked the 20^th anniversary of my dad’s passing. If you have lost a loved one, you may have had a similar feeling that the time they are gone feels like a brief moment, but at the same time, you hold a heartache like a faint white scar that reminds you, you will always carry traces of that wound.

To get through the anniversary, spontaneous emails from my siblings were shared of a particular memory or thought about our dad. They were all beautiful, but I would like to share with you, my brother Mike’s reflection:

Just a couple weeks ago, I was reading a book that included a quote from Teilhard de Chardin, the Jesuit philosopher also trained in geology and paleontology. It reminded me of a Saturday back when I was about 7 years old. Dad brought me along with him to light a candle and say a prayer at St. Francis Church. We took a walk afterward and he began to talk with me about what it did, and did not, mean to light a candle and say a prayer as we just had. He told me about Teilhard de Chardin and some of his ideas. He said that de Chardin taught us that humankind was always evolving and still was a long way from really being able to understand God or the mysteries of faith. We should use all our gifts, including our intelligence, to our fullest ability. Good would come from that, but not a full understanding of the sacred. He wanted me to understand that just because we could not achieve that kind of understanding, did not mean we could not have faith. He said that we may not be able to jump 20 feet in the air, but that did not mean 20 feet in the air did not exist. So, he told me, we go to church, light a candle, and say a prayer not because we blindly imagine that some magic occurs, but as a way of embracing faith. As I look back on that day, I realize that he must not have said all of that in that exact way. But I really think it was pretty close to that. And I do remember for sure: Dad wanted me to understand that there was no need to sacrifice thinking for faith they were not in conflict.

This year it can feel as though loss has permeated our culture. During times like these when we need the kind of faith that allows us to see beyond the present moment and ponder things beyond our understanding, my dad’s spiritual counsel anchors my occasionally unmoored heart. It reminds me to hold onto our values of faith even in a world that can seem in constant conflict, underpinned with fear, and burdened with stress. We can use our good minds to think about how to negotiate the issues we face and not lose sight of the values of our faith- acting with civility and kindness, choosing carefully our words, holding unselfish intentions and, in our care for ourselves and others, having faith in ”twenty feet” of God’s love that we cannot see but nonetheless is there sustaining us.

Challenging times often bring out the best in us… or not.

Learning to ride a bike did not come naturally to me. I have a memory from my 5^th birthday. My dad tried to teach me how to ride a two-wheeler on a Friday evening. I was not getting the hang of it.

I got up very early the next morning and put on my little plaid jacket and went out of the house by myself. I went up and down my sidewalk on my bike until I finally could balance enough to ride. I remember the joy of moving faster than I could run and my dad laughing that I taught myself to ride while they were all sleeping.

I recall thinking I had hit upon a good strategy, being the oldest of three children. If faced with a challenge, get up early and figure it out. Parents are busy people, and it feels so good to learn how to do things yourself!

Well, that was a joyful challenge and a memory made warm recalling my dad’s laughter.

Today we are faced with the challenge of a worldwide pandemic. It will take more than getting up early to meet this challenge. I hope I am not overly optimistic, but I believe there are smart, good people who will help us just the way people have with other difficult problems throughout our history.

What will help us spiritually in this challenge?

Trust God more than we trust even those smart, good people referred to above. When life changes and things are taken away from us, we have a choice, to deepen faith or abandon it. It is God who holds us in life and death and who will see us through this.

Offer compassion and resist judging others. Most people do the best they can. Help them; don’t turn on them. Anger and frustration are emotions which, when expressed with hostility toward others, aren’t helpful and weaken us as a community.

Challenges are the arena in which we can discover resilience in persevering– when times are difficult– and find the ability to bounce back from adversity. In fact, the term ‘grit’ refers to the passion to continue to persevere, regardless of reward or recognition. We may find ourselves isolated socially, perhaps financially stressed, and have lots of reasons to feel anxious and insecure. But even in this crisis– this challenge– faith calls us to our higher purpose: to love and be loved. One moment at a time. One person at a time. Grit shows true strength of character when we have passion for our faith in God and devotion to each other.

If we focus on these, we will come through this time– stronger, kinder, better.

How are you doing?

I really wish I could ask each one of you this question. During the uncertainty, upheaval, and confusion of this strange time I would love to know how you REALLY are and if your faith is being challenged or deepened? Has your relationship with God changed? Intensified? Expanded? I’m sure it would be enriching to discuss how you are experiencing this time.

There is a group, “Journey to Healing,” I meet with regularly. I think of them as my “healing friends.” Several had been to a conference on the topic and felt called to reach out to a few others to continue the dialogue about healing in our lives.

I do not remember exactly how I got involved. I did not feel a special need for healing when I said “yes.” But each day into this pandemic I realize the collective need for healing is pervasive right now. Physical healing. Emotional healing. Spiritual healing.

I believe in God’s design for us, individually and for the world– a paradise where love is the ethic, serving is the work, and Christ is our companion. In this pandemic of illness, I see an invitation to healing from what keeps us from embracing this reality– that our God is always with us. And that changes everything.

I want to share a peek into this healing group that I have experienced. Laura Smyczek, editor of this newsletter, has a love of and expertise in art history. In the group she shares some thoughts about this beautiful picture you see below. I hope you will “see” in it a prayer, as she describes it to us.

I think it is fair to say we are all in a collective storm right now. I believe that can be an invitation to radical trust, if we remember our God is in the boat with us! Always wanting to transform our fears into trust, in a relationship of perfect peace.

Hope to hear from you! Sending love and healing thoughts,
Kathie