I was presenting at a national catechetical conference recently, speaking about research and implementation of family faith formation. Near the beginning of the talk, I asked a question to the group, “What are your thoughts about families and faith today?” I meant it simply as a conversation opener.

There were several answers I expected. Families are so busy. Families have little unstructured time. Parents are challenged by media’s influence. Parents have a lot of pressure to keep their children in multiple activities.

A woman at a back table raised her hand and said, “I have three children in their 30’s, I took them to church. They all went to Catholic schools. None of my children are Catholic.” If it was a personal conversation, I would have had the opportunity to know more about the situation. I tried to express my empathy and understanding of her feelings and gave her a book suggestion, but I felt unable to adequately be helpful in that moment. I noticed she seemed to have been tearing up and at the break when I went to find her, she had left.

I know the pain she was expressing was very real. Most often our children absorb our beliefs, values and morals, but I also know this isn’t a simple transaction between us and our adult children. There are many factors at play in the lives of our grown children; who they marry, where they live, the pressures of their time, the churches in the vicinity where they live, personal experiences with church leadership, and feelings about the clergy abuse crisis, whose effects still plague us. I believe the hierarchical structure of the Catholic Church can be a blessing to us but can also be an obstacle to some who think married clergy and lack of women leaders are an impediment to our leadership model.

I am raising this topic in our newsletter because I think my friend in Maine was not alone. The most recent statistics are that 85% of those raised Catholic do not remain active Catholics as adults. So, I think there is a good possibility there are many who will read this who have a son, daughter, sister, brother, parent or maybe a friend who are in the 85% group.

I don’t have answers, explanations or solutions. I share this as something that we can pray about and collectively, we can care about. I know many who leave the Catholic Church do join other churches, other Christian communities. I trust God loves those who leave as much as those of us who stay. I believe there are many mysteries of spiritual life I can only ponder. I don’t judge those who stay or those who leave. I do pray about this issue, and ultimately, I trust in the miracle of grace, beyond my understanding, that the Holy Spirit is in the midst of this. It is on my heart to share with you what I couldn’t articulate to the sad woman in Maine. I wish I could have helped her find a little peace to accept our children were God’s children first. Or at least I wish I had the chance to give her a hug.